hi i'm dying of pneumonia and a tumor and my brain is going to fall out of my ear

so yeah that's basically how I feel right now. I woke up the other day with a really sore throat and was like oh crap it's coming. So basically I want to kill myself because I cannot breathe/I cough every five seconds. Woke up last night with a raging headache and I was sweating like a pig wanting to kill myself. So pray for me. Also I have this weird lump in my armpit and I'm pretty sure it's not a zit or an ingrown hair so I think it's a tumor and I'm dying of cancer. Jk but I'm probably going to have it checked out....also my brain hurts partly because of my sickness and partly because I am trying to speak this crazy language. In class I'm like yeah I can totally do this I'm doing well and then the new Korean missionaries came in and I'm like yeah def cannot speak the same language you are...so that will be super fun. But I love learning right now even if it's horrible in reality. Some funny things first. We learned how to tell time this week which is like ridiculous because they have two sets of numbers so for the hours you use the Korean set and for minutes you use the Chinese set. So annoying and unnecessary but whatevs I still love Korean people. Anyways the way you say 12 in Korean sounds like your dooshee aka you get the picture hahahaha. Oh also they have this screen in the cafeteria that always has missionaries names on it that need to go to the front desk and one day there was this missionary whose middle name was Victor Hugo. What the heck?!?! Who would do that to their child except dad? Oh also during one of our lessons this week I was trying to say sorry to the investigator and I accidentally said you are my prisoner so that was cool. Korean is awesome. Also had to teach the law of chastity this week so that was super fun.

Some lessons I learned. This week was rough concerning homesickness but I learned something on Sunday that really helped. In our leadership training meeting we were talking about helping other missionaries with any problems they had like homesickness and an elder shared his experience that was an answer to prayer. He said that whenever he gets sad about family he thinks about why he's going on a mission. He said that everything in the gospel brings joy to families and he's been able to experience that his whole life and will for eternity. He wants to go out and serve to bring families closer to God so that they can have the same happiness that he has with his family. And I feel the same way. All my happiness has basically come from my family and the gospel. The two most important things in my life. And to think that people can't have that same happiness because they don't have the gospel motivates me to be the best missionary that I can.

Also watched the Testaments on Sunday and it's the greatest movie!!! Some parts are super cheeseball and I totally forgot that we got papanwa from that movie ahhahaa died laughing but the end where Christ comes is so powerful. Of course I was an embarrassing sister missionary and crying my eyes out by the end. I do not know what has gotten into me but I am a cry baby sister missionary. Anywaaaays I'll just share my thoughts from that night. During the movie I just kept thinking why Christ? Why did He have to suffer for me? As unworthy as I am and as worthy as He is why did He have to go through all that pain and suffering? And it's because now I can be healed through him. All my sorrow, gried, heartache, and my struggles can be healed through Christ's atoning sacrifice. I don't even think we realize the magnitude of that blessing. When I feel like I'm suffering I need to think of Christ's Atonement. He suffered for me so that burdens could be lightened, so that I could be happy and free. If I am not striving to be happy and be the best follow of Christ that I can than I am not honoring His Atonement, the most important thing that has ever been done in the history of mankind. He took upon my trials that I can be spiritually alive. I am on the Lord's side and as long as I am He will always be with me.

We also learned a great lesson on love this week. 1 John chapter 4 is a greeeat chapter. I'm trying to study in the Bible more and I love what I'm learning. In 1 John it says that we love him because he first loved us. When we love more, we get closer to God and we are able to love others in greater capacity. Love is the power to do good and to be good. As a missionary (aka all of you because you are all member missionaries!) it's so important to learn to love those you serve and those you serve with. Because if we love God we will love his children. Powerful that it says if we love not our brother and say that we love God that we are liars. We must serve with love and desire. Some people have never felt love before and I have the privilege of teaching them about God's love and loving them as a missionary and as a child of God. Love is so powerful and sometimes it's the hardest thing to do. But if we pray to have charity and pray to love others, God will help us I know He will. I know He hears our prayers. Always.

Love you tons wish I could hug and kiss you all!!

Sister Blickenstaff